started off with lazy thoughts of going to do the boring and disgusting task of cleaning people's teeth(scaling).Today was the first day of this posting in this cycle,which means ,it's been quite some time since I did this job.... there's always this starting trouble when I get to each posting.. to add on is the heat ...and to make things worse, the head cap and the mask...
It was my turn to do my third case , was about to call his name.. when my Asst.Professor asked me to take up another patient instead...I'd already noticed this girl who had been sitting alone and had taken a second look at her.. She had sunken eyes, closed... She was blind.. later got to know that she had lost her eyesight at the age of 5 due to some growth.
Though I was quite eager to treat this girl,I had my concerns too, as to how I would deal with her.Got her seated in the chair with her mother's help and then got to doing my work.She began crying in between with pain,or probably because she didn't exactly know what I was doing on her.I tried my best with my not so fluent Tamil and finally ended my treatment plucking out one of her milk teeth too(because of the force and besides, it was time for it to fall out... though not part of the treatment plan,not an error...mind you...)
May be this sounds simple and silly,but personally it gave me good satisfaction of having treated such a patient.
The day then moved on and on my way back home,while waiting for the bus,I saw a disturbing sight... a man half nude with raw flesh exposed on his left arm ,was lying near the bus stop.I turned my head around. But then my curiosity made me have another look at the pathetic sight of that man who was just skin and bones.I guess he is mentally ill and needs help. God help him,though it's quite unfair to say that ,having done nothing even after seeing him in that state.
All this makes me wonder, is it really right of me to be cribbing over all that I'm not able to do , achieve or enjoy?Am I doing what I should be doing? I'm confused... confused as always...
Friday, April 24, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Luck, Destiny or our own decisions?
Which of these really determine our future ? I wonder… I have heard people telling that they decide what they want to achieve and they do. But it never seems to work with me.Things don’t happen when I want them to and good things in life come totally unexpected. I’ve observed that people who are expected to make it big, often do not and many who don’t seem that capable go places.. Isn’t that luck?or as many say it’s all written, their destiny…. But without a doubt our decisions have an important role too. But when to take what decisions is the big question.
I’m almost nearing the next crossroads in my life. And the questions and thoughts in my mind are endless.My mind is in a total mess at times. How is my future going to be like? What next? What is going to be best for me? Should I continue in my field or change it altogether? Is this what I really want?will I be happy with this?It just goes on and on, making my myself more confused than ever, each time I think about it. Where I have reached now is definitely not just my decision,neither is it luck, and is it destiny? I do not know. Hope all this gets sorted out at the earliest and my brain gets oriented. The sooner the better for me.
I’m almost nearing the next crossroads in my life. And the questions and thoughts in my mind are endless.My mind is in a total mess at times. How is my future going to be like? What next? What is going to be best for me? Should I continue in my field or change it altogether? Is this what I really want?will I be happy with this?It just goes on and on, making my myself more confused than ever, each time I think about it. Where I have reached now is definitely not just my decision,neither is it luck, and is it destiny? I do not know. Hope all this gets sorted out at the earliest and my brain gets oriented. The sooner the better for me.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
FRIENDS FOREVER????
Friends 4ever….
Friendship–the ship that never sinks…
Oft written statements in slam books and autographs, when it’s time to bid farewell to your set of friends in each phase of life… 10th,12th, final year in college…or even when you shift schools…..But do they really make sense? Most often not, at least that’s what I’ve been observing or rather experiencing. In spite of all opportunities to keep in touch , thanks to all the technological advancements, there are very few friends whom I’m still in touch with(of course, I do accept I may have been responsible for that),very whom I care about or who care about me. Even the best of friends at one time turn out to be totally estranged, or end up making courtesy calls once in a while.
There was a time when I never really understood backstabbing by friends, and felt really upset when I realized that those whom I’d considered best friends were not to be. Now, many have come and gone, a few still remain, who I hope to have for a lifetime.There are others who I know are just transitory, friends for the present. At times it’s best not to expect much and get a good surprise, rather than expecting the most ideal things and getting disappointed… May be this can tag me a pessimist, but that’s how it works better for me…. Though I’ll be more than happy if I can have good friends all through my life… And I do respect the views of all those who believe in “friends forever” and admire those who are able to maintain so.
Love you …all my friends…!!!
Friendship–the ship that never sinks…
Oft written statements in slam books and autographs, when it’s time to bid farewell to your set of friends in each phase of life… 10th,12th, final year in college…or even when you shift schools…..But do they really make sense? Most often not, at least that’s what I’ve been observing or rather experiencing. In spite of all opportunities to keep in touch , thanks to all the technological advancements, there are very few friends whom I’m still in touch with(of course, I do accept I may have been responsible for that),very whom I care about or who care about me. Even the best of friends at one time turn out to be totally estranged, or end up making courtesy calls once in a while.
There was a time when I never really understood backstabbing by friends, and felt really upset when I realized that those whom I’d considered best friends were not to be. Now, many have come and gone, a few still remain, who I hope to have for a lifetime.There are others who I know are just transitory, friends for the present. At times it’s best not to expect much and get a good surprise, rather than expecting the most ideal things and getting disappointed… May be this can tag me a pessimist, but that’s how it works better for me…. Though I’ll be more than happy if I can have good friends all through my life… And I do respect the views of all those who believe in “friends forever” and admire those who are able to maintain so.
Love you …all my friends…!!!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Dreaming BIG…..,
...following it and reaching the Zenith…. Things oft read in biographies of great people or celebrities…. If you ask me what made me think about this now, it’s a few real life incidents which I happened to listen to from others and read from the newspaper…
This one being the most striking one(the one from the paper)- The story about a Marwari girl from a village, who got married at the age of 18, later going as high up the ladder of success ,as being the first woman of Indian origin to hold the post of the President of a University in the US…. I wonder, am I too content with where I stand? Happy with the secure life I’m enjoying? Am I dreaming not big enough and hence my chances of reaching heights, sleek?
It’s confusing…
Dreams are many… even the smallest ones seem impossible at times… Though the stories of the most impossible dreams coming true are projected, isn’t the contrary more common? People getting disappointed and dejected, when they don’t achieve what they want? I’ve often felt it’s easier to dream and reach great heights when you have nothing to lose and you have to start from scratch….In the end, I think it’s easier taking things the way they come your way….no high hopes or their fall….
But I’m sure each of us have our secret dreams, big and small, as is human nature to want more and more…. Hope all of them come true, with hard work or ease ….
These are just the various thoughts I had in the last 2 days, a reflection of my confused mind, as is evident from the many question marks in between…
This one being the most striking one(the one from the paper)- The story about a Marwari girl from a village, who got married at the age of 18, later going as high up the ladder of success ,as being the first woman of Indian origin to hold the post of the President of a University in the US…. I wonder, am I too content with where I stand? Happy with the secure life I’m enjoying? Am I dreaming not big enough and hence my chances of reaching heights, sleek?
It’s confusing…
Dreams are many… even the smallest ones seem impossible at times… Though the stories of the most impossible dreams coming true are projected, isn’t the contrary more common? People getting disappointed and dejected, when they don’t achieve what they want? I’ve often felt it’s easier to dream and reach great heights when you have nothing to lose and you have to start from scratch….In the end, I think it’s easier taking things the way they come your way….no high hopes or their fall….
But I’m sure each of us have our secret dreams, big and small, as is human nature to want more and more…. Hope all of them come true, with hard work or ease ….
These are just the various thoughts I had in the last 2 days, a reflection of my confused mind, as is evident from the many question marks in between…
Friday, January 2, 2009
NOSTALGIA.....
Glass Bangles…….. just happened to dig them out of the bag in which they’ve remained unpacked, ever since we shifted form Mumbai .That was 2 and a half years back, part of the back packing we’ve always had and got used to, in fact enjoyed a lot of times..
Yes the bangles.. Blue and red…. they took me down the memory lane…. Back to our old house in Kizhakkumpattukara, our first own sweet house(which is no more ours),the only place we’ve stayed for 7 years together, where we’ve most of our childhood memories. As I write this, I miss our bedroom there, painted Mauve as per our choice, where we used to arrange Christmas and new year cards during this season on our window…
And these bangles were bought from an old man who used to come there especially during the Onam vacations ,calling out “kuppivala….” And my mother would call him and buy us bangles…. Now it seems like a distant past.
Things I doubt my children will get to see, experience or enjoy….
p.s. for the 1 or 2 readers I’ve got, I hope this one has some improvement…
and due to technical difficulties, wasn’t sure if this baby of mine would get delivered
today…and if it hadn’t, probably it would’ve become a miscarriage
Yes the bangles.. Blue and red…. they took me down the memory lane…. Back to our old house in Kizhakkumpattukara, our first own sweet house(which is no more ours),the only place we’ve stayed for 7 years together, where we’ve most of our childhood memories. As I write this, I miss our bedroom there, painted Mauve as per our choice, where we used to arrange Christmas and new year cards during this season on our window…
And these bangles were bought from an old man who used to come there especially during the Onam vacations ,calling out “kuppivala….” And my mother would call him and buy us bangles…. Now it seems like a distant past.
Things I doubt my children will get to see, experience or enjoy….
p.s. for the 1 or 2 readers I’ve got, I hope this one has some improvement…
and due to technical difficulties, wasn’t sure if this baby of mine would get delivered
today…and if it hadn’t, probably it would’ve become a miscarriage
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Counting my Blessings...
Like I said before,it’s been really long since I’ve been wanting to begin a blog.There have been many occasions when I’ve assimilated ideas for the blog in my mind .But the procrastinator in me was never successful in actually putting down my thoughts anywhere.I’m happy that I’ve finally been able to start and sincerely hope it’s a good beginning.
My desire of writing aggravated ever since I saw the movie ‘Rock On’ though the real feelings behind that have been washed out of my mind. Now that my emotions are again at a peak I decided to write all that I felt right away.
It’s not the first time I’m visiting a place for the destitutes,but for various reasons today’s experience has moved me.Probably there are a lot of people reading this who make it a point to go to such places regularly.I had really not planned to go to this place called “Little Drops” when our church had made arrangements, but early this week when my Dad asked me if I was accompanying the group, I gave him a yes.
(continued after a month’s gap- had to bring back the emotional peak arbitrarily)
12 of us including the driver reached there at around 12 30 pm after a drive of about 1 hour from the church.We had taken along with us quite a few bags of usable old clothes for the inmates there and a cheque of not a very huge sum, whatever we could collect from the church members. But any little help makes a huge difference to organizations like these with little foreign funds.
We reached there to see that they had kept the lunch ready and were waiting for our arrival. The lunch had been sponsored by one of the young earning members though he couldn’t make himself available that day. Since I’d been to this place about 2 years back, the place was quite familiar .Our priest started serving the food after a prayer and we took over the job.The sight of the food itself could make us feel the coldness there, but for those who had been cursed and abandoned by their near and dear ones this sight must have been very appetizing.
Most of the inmates who yearned for love welcomed us with a ‘sthothram’ folding their hands as in prayer. I guess that is how they have been trained. Many of them were totally bed ridden , affected with dementia and needed help in everthing they did.And as for those who could speak, they all had sad stories to tell. Many of these faces can never be forgotten. There was a lady well educated,after being affected by osteoporosis had become a burden to her brothers in Bangalore. Another old lady now undergoing treatment for breast cancer, supposedly a nurse or a doctor from what she says, trying hard to remember where she had worked ,now. She kept trying wanting to tell us the place she worked until we left the place.Another unforgettable character was this African girl who kept telling about lipstick and nail polish ,Dollies and laddoos. She had the same things to say when we had seen her 2 years back, the only change being she looked weaker. One man looking in his late forties who had gone blind 25 years back after an episode of typhoid, sang a devotional song for us. He had tears in his eyes when he said that he knew to read and write and stayed in Saidapet during his good days. After a walk around the whole place, we handed over our little contribution to the people concerned.
Finally we came down to have lunch , though most of us were very reluctant to, apprehensive about the taste and hygiene. This feeling made me feel guilty thinking how the thought of one bad meal was making me upset when I had the most delicious food every other day. They served the food asking us to have as much as we wanted ,but most of us took as less as possible. I’m sad to this, but one handful of rice made me feel like vomit even before it actually reached my tastebuds. With a lot of difficulty, I managed to have the very little I’d taken. It filled up tears in my eyes, realizing how blessed we are to have a wonderful family, a good house to live in and tasty ,nutritious food 3 times a day.We keep forgetting this and always look higher and higher without even thinking of the millions of people for whom it is a blessing to have a shelter and a meal a day. Being a special day if the lunch was prepared so bad, I can’t even imagine what the poor inmates would be having on ordinary days.
It’s human nature to complain for little things which make us unhappy or frustrated. When we are unsuccessful in achieving what we aspire, we grumble and start asking God why things never happen as we want them to. It’s when we see these really unlucky souls that we realize the perfection God has given to our lives .Probably many of them must be considering themselves blessed for having been brought from the dirty streets where the sky was their roof .I appreciate the people who are running this institute and similar ones inspite of the various hitches in their journey, and the people working in such places as volunteers forgetting their own hygiene and health, the real servants of God.
P.S .It’s very obvious that my vocabulary has shrunken ever since I left school, after which I’ve hardly written anything significant. Hope to improve myself as I keep blogging. And I’m really happy I’ve done something fruitful at the end of a rainy day(mind you!there was knee level water in our lane)which I wasted lazing around, bunking college.(about which I was proud of in the morning, having gone against our dictator princi, but towards the end felt guilty ,worried about getting the work signed by the HOD before the deadline- I guess bunking is not meant for people who don’t have the courage to)
My desire of writing aggravated ever since I saw the movie ‘Rock On’ though the real feelings behind that have been washed out of my mind. Now that my emotions are again at a peak I decided to write all that I felt right away.
It’s not the first time I’m visiting a place for the destitutes,but for various reasons today’s experience has moved me.Probably there are a lot of people reading this who make it a point to go to such places regularly.I had really not planned to go to this place called “Little Drops” when our church had made arrangements, but early this week when my Dad asked me if I was accompanying the group, I gave him a yes.
(continued after a month’s gap- had to bring back the emotional peak arbitrarily)
12 of us including the driver reached there at around 12 30 pm after a drive of about 1 hour from the church.We had taken along with us quite a few bags of usable old clothes for the inmates there and a cheque of not a very huge sum, whatever we could collect from the church members. But any little help makes a huge difference to organizations like these with little foreign funds.
We reached there to see that they had kept the lunch ready and were waiting for our arrival. The lunch had been sponsored by one of the young earning members though he couldn’t make himself available that day. Since I’d been to this place about 2 years back, the place was quite familiar .Our priest started serving the food after a prayer and we took over the job.The sight of the food itself could make us feel the coldness there, but for those who had been cursed and abandoned by their near and dear ones this sight must have been very appetizing.
Most of the inmates who yearned for love welcomed us with a ‘sthothram’ folding their hands as in prayer. I guess that is how they have been trained. Many of them were totally bed ridden , affected with dementia and needed help in everthing they did.And as for those who could speak, they all had sad stories to tell. Many of these faces can never be forgotten. There was a lady well educated,after being affected by osteoporosis had become a burden to her brothers in Bangalore. Another old lady now undergoing treatment for breast cancer, supposedly a nurse or a doctor from what she says, trying hard to remember where she had worked ,now. She kept trying wanting to tell us the place she worked until we left the place.Another unforgettable character was this African girl who kept telling about lipstick and nail polish ,Dollies and laddoos. She had the same things to say when we had seen her 2 years back, the only change being she looked weaker. One man looking in his late forties who had gone blind 25 years back after an episode of typhoid, sang a devotional song for us. He had tears in his eyes when he said that he knew to read and write and stayed in Saidapet during his good days. After a walk around the whole place, we handed over our little contribution to the people concerned.
Finally we came down to have lunch , though most of us were very reluctant to, apprehensive about the taste and hygiene. This feeling made me feel guilty thinking how the thought of one bad meal was making me upset when I had the most delicious food every other day. They served the food asking us to have as much as we wanted ,but most of us took as less as possible. I’m sad to this, but one handful of rice made me feel like vomit even before it actually reached my tastebuds. With a lot of difficulty, I managed to have the very little I’d taken. It filled up tears in my eyes, realizing how blessed we are to have a wonderful family, a good house to live in and tasty ,nutritious food 3 times a day.We keep forgetting this and always look higher and higher without even thinking of the millions of people for whom it is a blessing to have a shelter and a meal a day. Being a special day if the lunch was prepared so bad, I can’t even imagine what the poor inmates would be having on ordinary days.
It’s human nature to complain for little things which make us unhappy or frustrated. When we are unsuccessful in achieving what we aspire, we grumble and start asking God why things never happen as we want them to. It’s when we see these really unlucky souls that we realize the perfection God has given to our lives .Probably many of them must be considering themselves blessed for having been brought from the dirty streets where the sky was their roof .I appreciate the people who are running this institute and similar ones inspite of the various hitches in their journey, and the people working in such places as volunteers forgetting their own hygiene and health, the real servants of God.
P.S .It’s very obvious that my vocabulary has shrunken ever since I left school, after which I’ve hardly written anything significant. Hope to improve myself as I keep blogging. And I’m really happy I’ve done something fruitful at the end of a rainy day(mind you!there was knee level water in our lane)which I wasted lazing around, bunking college.(about which I was proud of in the morning, having gone against our dictator princi, but towards the end felt guilty ,worried about getting the work signed by the HOD before the deadline- I guess bunking is not meant for people who don’t have the courage to)
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Let me begin...
Might be a dumb way to start,but I really want to shrug off the lazy part off myself.It's been ever so long since I've been dreaming of writing a blog.And one day I created it so that I could start writing ,but never posted anything to date. Hope I really start writing all that I have in my mind as prospective posts. Looking forward to live up to the expectations of all my readers,if any and most of all, my own.
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